We all have body image issues. Men and women alike. I definitely have some of my own. I’d like narrower hips, for  instance  (something I’ve accepted I may never achieve. Unless I turned into a gym rat and blasted the fat away lifting, which will probably never happen).

See, the thing is I’m confident. But that doesn’t stop me from having body issues. I’ve been stressed out for most of this year. Which for me, translates to very little  working out  and not paying attention to what I eat. My scale also broke, so I’ve had to monitor my body just using my tape measure. I live in a flat (while in Cape Town), and the last time I tried to workout at home, my neighbour came to complain that her light fixtures downstairs were shaking. Thanks for saying I’m fat and shake the earth, neighbour! Kidding. (Our floors are wooden so when we stomp or jump, our neighbours downstairs experience tremors)

Basically, I put on inches and lost the little toned muscle I’d developed. And I look in my mirror at my pouch of a belly and feel crappy about it. I’ll be going to Thailand in a few days and was hoping I’d have a banging summer body ready,  but far from it. My arms are fatter, my thighs feel fatter (they’ve always been fat though), and really, that shouldn’t matter. I’m  healthy, am I not? Yet it does matter! I feel like I’m being unfair to myself by being so critical about my body and wishing I was thinner or more toned  or whatever.

I maintain: I’m  confident. But you know what,  it happens to the best of us. If I could, I would have lipo on my hips. Yes, really. Yet someone else would wish they had my hips. Do you know Patricia Bright? The YouTuber? I could swear she’s one of the greatest advocates of self-love, positivity and realness. But she’s had a breast augmentation done. She wanted larger boobs. So she got them. I’d like narrower hips. Really, it happens to the best of us. We desire an ideal body type that is a product of various factors. Some skinny  people get crap for being skinny and would die to put on a few inches and pounds. Most of us constantly get rude comments  (even from people we love) about our bodies and all of this shapes our individual ideas of what our ideal body is.

… now if we’re taking body, you a perfect one…

The media is the biggest culprit in fuelling our body image negativity. I am aware of that. But let’s be real; it’s kinda hard to successfully completely block it out. I have days where I feel like a badass queen, wide hips, chubby belly and all. And days where I just feel shitty. I’m fitter and eat healthier  than most of my friends, so I know my inside should be good. They say work starts on the inside, out. But for most of us, all of us even, the outside matters more. It’s what people see. So it bothers us.

Now, I don’t want this post to be misconstrued. I’m just sharing some feelings that I have and I know most of you do too. I do not want this to be mistaken for a self-loathing post. Because it is not. It’s more a contemplative one. A personal one. That I thought to share because it’s been on my mind a lot. Especially now leading up to my trip.